Every relationship is uniquely different, but behind our individual idoscincricies are certain things that unite all couples who have been together for a prolonged period of time. Because no matter how quirky your partnership may be, there are a few things that you and your significant other do which make you the same as every other couple.
If you have been with your other half for a considerable time, it’s highly likely that you’re extremely relaxed in their company. So relaxed that you let yourself be completely natural, to an alarming degree – you probably wouldn’t dare do the following things in front of your mom and dad (and quite rightly so, because that’d be really wrong)…
1. Toilet talk is no longer taboo
Despite every human’s bodily functions being relatively the same (read: we all p*ss and sh*t), we are extremely shy when it comes to toilet talk. The early stages of a relationship see us sneak around trying to cover our toilet-using tracks, for very little reason other than we don’t want our partner to know we go to the loo – which is completely ludicrous.
Luckily as a relationship develops we all come to our senses and realize that everybody does it – even the Queen – and that trying to pretend we don’t is a monumental waste of our time and energy – energy which could be better invested elsewhere, if you know what I mean!
2. Incessant shaving is no longer required
When you first start dating someone, you want them to think that you’re perfect. To do so you intricately shave your entire body so that you resemble some sort of slinky smooth worm.
However, as time goes by you begin to realize how time-consuming this extravagance is, and slowly, sections begin to grow fuzzy one by one until you begin to look as fluffy as a creature you’d find in the Arctic circle.
3. Period talk becomes a monthly feature
Despite menstruation being a compulsory element of sex education for both boys and girls, most males of this world prefer to pretend it doesn’t exist. But, when a relationship starts, periods can really get in the way.
The fact that periods are such a regular occurrence means that they’re an inevitable discussion topic in a relationship. In fact, they become such a natural element that after many years together, your boyfriend will be comfortable in going to the supermarket to buy your tampons. Cute.
4. You pee with the door open
Girls may pee with the door open on a night out in front of total strangers whilst complimenting each other’s dresses. They may share cubicles with their best friend when the queue is long. But a strong bond needs to be forged before they’ll allow a boyfriend to pee in front of them.
Once a girl is comfortably peeing in front of a guy, and vice versa, there is no going back – the deal has been sealed.
5. Weight is no longer a big worry
Before things get serious you are conscious of what you eat to ensure that you don’t gain too much weight so that, a) they still find you attractive, b) they don’t think you’re greedy, and c) you look the same as you do in your Tinder profile picture, so should they dump you there is no need to diet to get back in the game.
But, once you’re sure they’re the one, weight becomes much less of a worry and cosy nights in with a sharing box of chocolates and a television box-set take over.
6. You’ll eat anything in front of them
Do you remember your first date, where you carefully selected a non-messy meal on the menu so that you could look relaxed while eating? I’m talking pizza with a knife and fork, choosing the chicken wrap rather than that bulky burrito you were really craving, or a pasta dish (hold the garlic) when what you really wanted was a juicy burger.
Well, that need to look sophisticated while chewing is something that fades into a long-term relationship. Pass the chicken wings and hot sauce, this is peak comfort.
7. Sickness doesn’t make kissing off
Is there anything more disgusting than a flu-stricken person? No. But, there is also nothing more endearing than your flu-stricken person who, in their vulnerable state, demand lots of attention.
8. You pop each other’s pimples
Gross, but true. Trading nights out with friends for nights in popping each other’s pimples is something comfortable couples don’t need to think twice about.
9. Morning breath is overlooked
There are few things grosser than morning breath. It’s why we all immediately brush our teeth first thing in the morning. But for some reason our disgust towards ‘dog breath’ subsides when the foul odor is coming from our long-term partner’s mouth.
10. You don’t mind each other’s germs
Sharing things is an inevitable part of a relationship. From cups to cutlery to toothbrushes (or maybe not, ew), we let go of our issues with other people’s ‘germs’ once we have spent enough time with them.
11. Crotch scratching is forgiven
Guys have some dirty habits which they seem to perform without any awareness. One of these things is crotch scratching. It’s something that can make or break a relationship in its early stages. But once you’re comfortable with one another, crotch scratching is excused – sometimes girlfriends will even scratch that itch for their man!
12. You wear each other’s clothes
“Boyfriend fit” never goes out of style, which is one of the predominant reasons as to why girls get boyfriends. Shirts, jeans, t-shirts, nothing is safe. In reverse, guys don’t tend to have any interest in their girlfriend’s clothes, but they’d be lying if they said they didn’t dabble with their beauty products. Face masks and moisturizers are a man’s best friend!
13. You clean up after them – even their vomit!
Essentially, you babysit one another. Think back to that last big night out on the town where your significant other had a little too much to drink, resulting in a vomiting spree. The chances are that you cleaned them up, put them to bed and then took pity on them the next morning – because that’s what people in love do. Ew.
14. You know each other’s fast food order off by heart
If they don’t know your McDonald’s preference then do they really care about you? If they can’t walk into KFC and get you exactly what your heart desires, do they even love you? The answer is no.
Talking of knowing each other very well, watch as these boyfriends try to guess their girlfriend just by smelling them. Can they get it right?
15. Your s3xual routine gets pretty predictable
Sex is the spice of life, unless you’ve been dating for several years, in which case the spice of your life is probably a chili-flavored pizza from Dominos and a steamy show on the television.
So there you have it. Have you reached peak comfort?